I have ADHD and suspect my oldest daughter does as well, but both of us were able to get through high school with above average grades. My youngest daughter, however, who has also been diagnosed with ADHD, has struggled in school from the beginning. She had difficulty learning to read, but eventually caught up with her peers. Even so, she has continued to struggle and, now, is really being challenged in 9th grade.

She was forgetting assignments, so I bought her a planner and showed her how to use it — and she does, for the most part. She had trouble understanding the mathematical/problem-solving type of calculations in her physical science and geometry classes, so I got tutors for her from time to time, and she regularly goes to her teachers for help during her study period. I took her to my ADHD doctor (dual certified in psychiatry and neurology), and he prescribed Focalin for her, but she refuses to take it (even though she sees me benefitting from taking medication). He also signed a 504 plan for her and I met with her teachers and the school counselor to see how to best help her, but my daughter doesn't want to be seen as different than other kids, and for instance, didn't want to take her tests in a quiet room, so we ended up not implementing the 504 plan. Then, I took her to a counselor who specializes in children/teens (and ADHD), and the counselor said my daughter seems to believe that she can handle the situation on her own, so she didn't think she could really help her. I am in regular contact with her teachers to try and stay on top of problems, but nothing seems to be working. The 9-week grading period ends this week, and my daughter currently has two B's, two C's and two F's. Her homework and test grades constantly fluctuate between A's and F's (many more D's and F's) with no predictability.

As a 15-year-old, she wants to be independent, so it causes conflict if I try to micro-manage too much. When I express my concerns about her grades, she just keeps saying, "I'm doing the best I can. You don't need to worry about it." Ironically, she's failing French I and physical science right now, but is determined to take French II and chemistry next year, and she has struggled a lot in honors geometry this year (which she was determined to sign up for) and wants to take Algebra II honors next year. She says she plans to go to college, which I support, but a lot will need to change for her to succeed in such an independent environment.

With another grading period coming to a close and things looking worse than ever, I'm about at my wits end. I just don't know how to help. Her father (my ex-husband) does not believe she has any impairment, and just needs to be more disciplined and apply herself more — so no support there. In fact, he just exacerbates the problem and causes both of us more stress — even panic attacks in my daughter when she's with him.

I'm sure there are other parents of ADHD children who are dealing with these same or similar issues or other professionals who work with ADHD youth, so, if anyone has any advice or suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Thanks in advance!

Being able to use the driving as a motivator is powerful for teens.  Here's to creative parenting!